Curriculum Vitae of a Mother

Name: “Mammmaaaaaaa!” (Can be heard on repeat, roughly 45 times per hour. But whose counting?)

Age: Two years since delivery. Feels like thirty years post-partum.

Profile Summary:
Life giver. Nourisher. Breast feeder. Poopoo Inspector. Toilet trainer. Punching bag. Juice dispenser. Boo-boo healer. Secret keeper. Soul sister. Best friend. Life-line.

Strengths:
1. Ninja-warrior – Can pick up a dropped item with one’s toes alone, if a baby is being carried. Can haul around a diaper bag the size of own body weight, if baby has plans outside home for an extended period of time.  Can creep out of a room where the baby is sleeping without making a single sound. PS: A feat which apparently Fathers are absolutely incapable of. Just saying.

2. Multi-tasking Magician – Can organize play-dates, pediatrician visits and party favors in the blink of an eye. We don’t miss a beat. We don’t miss a single RSVP. We rhyme on command. We fulfill every demand. We’re cool like that.

3. Part-time Hypnotherapist  Can make even the crankiest child drowsy by some clever rubbing between the eyebrows and skillfully administered head massages. PS: Works better if child has a bottle of warm milk on hand. Warning: Child might seem to go into a trance-like state. Do not panic.

4. Jukebox – Can perform a huge selection of songs, stories and nursery rhymes on repeat in order to entertain fussy child while in the car-seat, while fussing to have a head-bath, while fussing in the high-chair, while fussing in the doctor’s examination room getting ready for that bloody shot, while fussing in the supermarket aisle, while fussing at the *[insert any location and rest assured, a standing-ovation worthy performance has been given].

Weaknesses-

1. All Give No Take – Incapable of shaking off the feeling of perpetual Mom-guilt. Incapable of asking people to shove their expert opinions and untimely advises. Incapable of taking time off to pamper one’s own self. Incapable of being selfish and putting one’s own needs first. Incapable of kicking anxiety to the curb and just trusting one’s own maternal instincts. Incapable of not worrying about the children and their future. Incapable of accepting compliments and accolades, but far too used to being under-valued and being taken for granted. Incapable of loving a little less.

 

References – None Needed. Period.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Andrea A. says:

    Love the humor!! Nice write up Mama

    Like

  2. lifeinsatiable says:

    Ha ha I mean this made me chuckle so hard. These are HARD FACTS. Good write ma.

    Like

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